Register    Login    Forum    Search    Chat [0]    FAQ

Board index » Emerald Hills General Forums » Arts & Sciences




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Judge this poem
 Post Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 8:37 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Apr 22, 2006 9:55 pm
Posts: 638
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to read, critique, and score this poem on a 5-point scale, with a 2.5 being considered an average effort. The poem is a Shakespearean sonnet, written in the rhyming form ABABCDCDEFEFGG, with each line in iambic pentameter (an unaccented syllable, followed by an accented syllable, five times). Be harsh.

Summer Sleeping

A field of golden petals, sweet to smell,
with drowsy power draw my lids to rest.
The blue and softly clouded skies foretell
a laughing breeze come lilting, bright and blessed.
And then comes sunlight, heavy, slow and sweet,
as morpheous afternoon grows long and hot.
And slumbering in this meadow, wrapped in heat,
All matters cease, all worries, and all thought.
Turn daylight into green and blueing sky,
turn cold and gentle sleeping, meadow mine.
I hear a laugh, three times, perhaps; her cry,
and now by moonlight, gentle grasses sighing.
My lullaby is thine, and for sleep, thy sleeping;
Come laugh, come sigh, come tender angel's weeping.


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Judge this poem
 Post Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:24 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 10:21 pm
Posts: 214
Darkangel wrote:
A field of golden petals, sweet to smell,
with drowsy power draw my lids to rest. (should be "draws")
The blue and softly clouded skies foretell
a laughing breeze come lilting, bright and blessed. (foretell a breeze come lilting? awkward)
And then comes sunlight, heavy, slow and sweet,
as morpheous afternoon grows long and hot. (not a word)
And slumbering in this meadow, wrapped in heat,
All matters cease, all worries, and all thought. (breaks established capitalization pattern)
Turn daylight into green and blueing sky, (blue is not a verb)
turn cold and gentle sleeping, meadow mine. (sentence meaning indiscernible)
I hear a laugh, three times, perhaps; her cry,
and now by moonlight, gentle grasses sighing.
(placement of semicolon makes this phrase confusing)
My lullaby is thine, and for sleep, thy sleeping;
Come laugh, come sigh, come tender angel's weeping. (uncapitalize)


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Judge this poem
 Post Posted: Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:18 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Apr 22, 2006 9:55 pm
Posts: 638
Thanks for the feedback, Aylin.


Top 
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 

Board index » Emerald Hills General Forums » Arts & Sciences


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 12 guests

 
 

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron