The Kingdom of the Emerald Hills
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Judge this poem
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Author:  Diestro [ Mon Mar 18, 2013 8:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Judge this poem

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to read, critique, and score this poem on a 5-point scale, with a 2.5 being considered an average effort. The poem is a Shakespearean sonnet, written in the rhyming form ABABCDCDEFEFGG, with each line in iambic pentameter (an unaccented syllable, followed by an accented syllable, five times). Be harsh.

Summer Sleeping

A field of golden petals, sweet to smell,
with drowsy power draw my lids to rest.
The blue and softly clouded skies foretell
a laughing breeze come lilting, bright and blessed.
And then comes sunlight, heavy, slow and sweet,
as morpheous afternoon grows long and hot.
And slumbering in this meadow, wrapped in heat,
All matters cease, all worries, and all thought.
Turn daylight into green and blueing sky,
turn cold and gentle sleeping, meadow mine.
I hear a laugh, three times, perhaps; her cry,
and now by moonlight, gentle grasses sighing.
My lullaby is thine, and for sleep, thy sleeping;
Come laugh, come sigh, come tender angel's weeping.

Author:  Aylin_Karyn [ Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Judge this poem

Darkangel wrote:
A field of golden petals, sweet to smell,
with drowsy power draw my lids to rest. (should be "draws")
The blue and softly clouded skies foretell
a laughing breeze come lilting, bright and blessed. (foretell a breeze come lilting? awkward)
And then comes sunlight, heavy, slow and sweet,
as morpheous afternoon grows long and hot. (not a word)
And slumbering in this meadow, wrapped in heat,
All matters cease, all worries, and all thought. (breaks established capitalization pattern)
Turn daylight into green and blueing sky, (blue is not a verb)
turn cold and gentle sleeping, meadow mine. (sentence meaning indiscernible)
I hear a laugh, three times, perhaps; her cry,
and now by moonlight, gentle grasses sighing.
(placement of semicolon makes this phrase confusing)
My lullaby is thine, and for sleep, thy sleeping;
Come laugh, come sigh, come tender angel's weeping. (uncapitalize)

Author:  Diestro [ Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:18 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Judge this poem

Thanks for the feedback, Aylin.

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